Hold my drink so I can tumblr this.
Some of us are concerned by our place on this planet, others are concerned with their place in the universe.
You are UNBELIEVABLE.
Harry: Oh yeah I need my vacuum cleaner back
Sally: You gave it to me and it broke so it is gone now.
Harry: I said you could have it until I moved into a place and what do you mean it broke??
Sally: No, I am pretty sure you gave it to me as a gift. It stopped sucking stuff up.
Harry: Did you check the bag? Or the belts?
Sally: Um yes....OF COURSE I checked the bag, and I don't know what the other thing even is so I threw it in the dumpster.
Harry: You threw it....in the dumpster...just because it stopped working.
Sally: Yes....I don't know why you are upset about this. You GAVE it to me. So I lost a vacuum cleaner. If anyone should be upset here it is me.
Harry- You are unbelievable.
*names changed to protect privacy
Well, I’ll blow ya, but I don’t fuck losers.
Roller Derby Names.
(roller skating with my homofriend to celebrate his 40th birthday, it'd been some time for both of us.)
Me: Man, you are really booking around this rink! Don't lie, you've been to a Rainbow Rink or 2 in your time.
(rounding a corner)
Shawn: ........did you really just use that small child to steady yourself?
Me: Yeah, he didn't fall though! His mom did mean mug me... Suppose I'll get clothes lined on my next pass?
(Rounding another corner)
Me: Man, we are really great skaters, look at us go! We should totally be on a Roller Derby team!!
Shawn: What would our names be though?
Me, the redhead: GIN-GER-SNAP!!!! (as I motion that I'm breaking something)
Shawn: And I'll be HOMO-CIDE!
Mother of child I used to steady myself: HEY YOU, WHAT THE FUCK??
Happy Friday, assholes!
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